Thursday, November 25, 2010

Tough Girl

A few weeks ago, in deciding when my husband would venture to the West for some needed family time, I thought immediately, "Thanksgiving" and told him that was when he should go.

I thought, "Only 2 and a half days of child care," I thought, "He will be able to enjoy everyone since the convening will happen for sure and he can soak in everyone at the same time," I thought, "Maximize the amount of time," and I thought, "We have those travel points, right? Just do it."

I thought differently than I do right now.

It's like when I was younger. I thought soo (that's right, an extra 'o') differently than I do right now.

The older I get, the more emotionally vulnerable I become. I did not think that was part of growing up.

I was able to handle six weeks of husband-lessness at 24. Why is it that 6 years later, 4 days without his prickly beard and I am tapped out?

It is not the fact that I have 2 kids. They have been wonderful.

It's me.

I need my husband.

I have this compulsion to want to build our unit more and to stay so insular. At 3:45a when I woke this Thanksgiving morning and made my way to the commode for that nightly ritual, I thought, "I would have Thanksgiving with just the 4 of us and no one else."

What kind of daughter would say that? I love my mom. I love my sisters and brothers. We all live within and hour of each other. Who am I?

I have become a wife and a mother. My husband and my kids are what everything is for. I have never needed them like this, but they are who I want to serve. They are who matter most.

And my husband is at the top of my list. Thank goodness he left some of his PJs behind.

5 comments:

  1. Happy Thanksgiving, Celine. He'll be home soon -- and you'll be grateful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this, and can relate completely. I was separated from my man last Thanksgiving. Not cool.

    ReplyDelete
  3. aw, and to think that I've personally taken you away from your husband twice in the past 5 years!! I totally relate to you; I feel the same way about my husband and this new little tootsie who's about to join our little family. I look forward to Christmas mornings when it's just the 3 of us.

    That may be a bit selfish of me but I can't help it; they are my world.

    Let's just keep each other in our little worlds, ok?

    ReplyDelete
  4. one more night. can't wait for his scruffiness tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh"

    I think its evidence of how solid a marriage is that you miss a part of it when he's gone. I'd be more worried if they left and we found ourselves able to get along without them effortlessly. I mean, we CAN do it, but not that we have to LIKE it! ;-)

    ReplyDelete