Re-assimilation Not Complete

Sometimes I become homesick for Turkey. I have not thought about my feelings long enough to decide whether it is for Turkey or for the "other" life that seems so much cooler now that we left it.

That distinction does not necessarily make it any cooler, but it just seems like it was since we came back to what we left and some days it seems like nothing has changed. And that wasn't what we were going for.

Of course things have changed. Of course. Time has passed, so things must have changed. But the outcome of our lives is right where we left it and in many ways how I would have expected it had we never left. But we did leave.

Sometimes I think, too, that maybe our life would be the same but easier had we never left. I imagine it is the same thought process people go through when they think about the child they had too early or the child they never thought they would have. Was it the right time? Could it have been better planned? Should we have even done it? (I hope most people don't really consider that last one).

I found myself glued to the computer screen, searching for new "footage" of the place we left. I was trying to hold onto something that doesn't exist anymore. And it doesn't exist because we wanted what we have now.

The romanticism of living abroad is so alluring, but it is so not for us. I loved the travel planning and the packing an unpacking of bags and the airplane flying and "other" language speaking and food eating. I loved the strong relationships that come out of such adversity: trying to live somewhere where you don't really fit and will never really understand.

I still love all those things. I still wish they could exist in our lives. But alas we are Americans. Bound to our culture by all that land that Lewis and Clark helped appropriate.

It is hard to just be. But I'm working on it.

Throwing Pigeons

This kid is covering his face, so the pigeons can't see him (maybe they have not gotten past the object permanence stage) but he can still see them. I asked he and his friend if they cook the pigeons and they said, "Hayır, atacak," which means, "No, they will be thrown." I guess it could be worse.

Pete and Calvin watched the boy catch the pigeon and then take off like a linebacker who just recovered a fumble. I am not sure where they were throwing it, but it was thrown.

Towel Hour

My favorite hour, when the children are clean and supple. I love them from the sudsy tub, to being rinsed and extracted. And then wiping the droplets of water off of their skin with a soft, filled with fabric softener, towel and then smooching where I just wiped.

Ooo- I love it.

This is when I think most intensely about eating my children. Like ripe strawberries just pulled out from under the stream of water from the kitchen sink. After rolling around in the colander, getting perfectly washed for consumption. Yum.

This "hour," donned by my half rhyming, Dickensonian sisters as towel hour, is the most precious hour of the day. We come downstairs and I douse them with hugs and sometimes tickles. Calvin streaks across the living room to jump on Pete's back or to make Harrison laugh. Smiles are tossed across the room, along with bouncy balls sometimes. We finish up with some sweet smelling lotion and then soft, cotton clothing to snuggle them into sweet dreaming.

I love this time.

My First Book

"Goodnight Moon" was not my first book. The first I remember was something imprinted in my mind. I don't know what it is, but I assume it knows me.

I just downloaded my first book. I am listening to it right now. Does it count for reading if I listen to it? I am having trouble thinking it counts. I don't feel like I am reading. I don't feel like it is the same. It seems like cheating.

I mean, how can I be listening to how Ayelet wanted to live in Israel and then changed her mind and then her husband followed her to Cambridge...how can I listen and write at the same time and still understand what I am listening to? Is this allowed?

I am definitely cheating.

I don't really know when to press pause. I know I put a book down when I have something drawing me away from it (usually the computer). Uph - I just figure it out. Pete walked in. I can't engage in the book, a conversation with Pete and a conversation with myself at the same time.

Baggin' Chicks

Today at the market a boy of about 10 years walked passed the chick-box (the one that the duck was also in last week) and purchased two. The salesman put the chicks into a bag like a couple of apples and there were 2 little holes on the sides of the bag, for breathing I guess, and the boy scooted along.

Totally normal. Nothing to it.

I can see the text from his mom(all Turks have cell phones - I am convinced):
"Hey Alper! Pick up some chicks from the market on your way home from school today. Don't stop to buy cherries or grapes or strawberries. Just the chicks. And make sure they are the yellow ones. Those white ones are just not right. No ducks this time either."

Okay - maybe that is long for a text message, but it sounds accurate.

2 week pet

They are selling these at our local market for 5 YTL. I am so tempted to purchase and then set the duckling free before we leave. Anyone know what to feed them?

In Business

This is all a Turkish entrepreneur needs. Put some tea in here and grab a couple disposable cups and some sugar from the pantry and you have yourself a tea business.

On the weekends, hordes of people just chill out in the parks here. They just sit on benches and puff away on cigarettes or sip on tea or coffee while the day wastes away. Sometimes they use a newspaper or a child as an excuse to be in the park, but mostly they just stare at everyone passing by.

Some of the more ambitious people invest in a few of these handy dandy pump-acting thermoses and away they go. This past Sunday there was a youth parade to Taksim square (I swear there is a parade almost every Sunday -- this is the place they say the stay away from big crowds and the like), so the Çay/Kahve guys were out in full force. Literally walking with a thermos in each hand and bag-o-disposable cups wrapped around their wrists. I am thinking about leaving teaching and being one of these guys. I think I might be able to be the first female tea person. I am thinking of breaking that glass ceiling.

Popeye's Secret

Froggie Juice

Make a smoothie with bananas, strawberries, honey, some water, and some juice of your choice and then the secret ingredient - SPINACH. It looks gross, but you call it froggie juice and the kids love it! So when Calvin thinks he is getting dessert, he is really getting his greens. I love it! Thanks to mothers sharing their brilliant ideas.

Another food eating tip that I thought was a joke, but tried because we were bored -- telling Calvin he CAN'T eat something because we want to eat it. He loves this game, and as advertised on my friends' blog, he actually requests that we play it with him.

Tech Buzz

When it comes to nursing, as babies grow - their attention span shrinks. It is hard keeping H-man on the boob for more than a few minutes. Good thing solids have come on the scene.

But I have devised a technological advancement that will rock the world -- mini, personalized, baby DVD players that fit right under the mother's arm! He totally would stay focused and get the hydration job done if he was watching a little Elmo or "baby TV" during the suckling. It would most definitely do away with the Calvin-induced head turning.

CSI or CNN

With the rain comes TV watching. I have been watching too much TV. It wouldn't be so bad if I could watch something funny or interesting, but we get the heavily loaded smash and grab media unfiltered through our free cable here. I mostly watch the Crime Scene Investigation channel (yes - an entire channel) and sometimes dove tail it with CNN. For a week BBC Prime was showing a makeover show much like "What Not to Wear" on TLC, except everyone had British accents and Clinton is a girl. BBC Prime also had some great show where they recreated historic events but did them with modern people with the old time technology. That was cool. For whatever reason they are now showing "The Weakest Link" on repeat all week.

Now I get murder and catastrophe in short video clips played in a loop.

I get creepy court case voice over the images of a small town and pictures from the random murder that took place there. I get to watch detectives hunt down a murdered during the first 48 hours. I get to watch stories about planes crashing into things and to watch the arrows next to numbers turn up and down each day. Occasionally I get to see Obam's face and people worrying that his lips won't make the right words come out. (I think he is physically going to be in my part of the universe in a few).

Intermittently I watch snowboarders, skateboarders, kite boarders, and sailors battle it out for some cup or chunk change prize on the eXtreme channel. There is always the option of watching Hannah Montanna (are you freakin' kidding me with that people).

May the rain stop and the running outside start.

Sleeper Hold

My son must be learning WWF moves at Kres.

After he came home today, I gave him his daily dose of tickles and then asked him if he wanted to make some Jello for dessert (his favorite treat). I told him to jump on my back and I would bring him into the kitchen so we could make it.

He jumped, I walked, and then the next minute was a blur and I ended up on the floor next to our kitchen doorway. I kind of remember making it up the two steps from our living area to the kitchen, and I kind of remember trying to reach into the kitchen to turn the light on, but then I remember my hand sliding desperately down the wall and ending up on the floor.

Calv let go of my neck when I was on the floor and I regained my sight and some of my brain functions. It was crazy. My son used the sleeper hold on me. My mind just kept telling me, "I can make it into the kitchen." But it was wrong.

All Kinds

How many different ways can weather.com describe cold, rainy weather? The same number of consecutive days of cold, rainy weather we will have - 5:

rain, light rain, wind/rain, few showers, mostly cloudy

In honor of alliteration, let's just call this a wet winter.

Hot Chocolate

This reminds me of a good cup of Hot Cocoa with some marshmallows and a chocolate mint stick in it: