Tough Girl

A few weeks ago, in deciding when my husband would venture to the West for some needed family time, I thought immediately, "Thanksgiving" and told him that was when he should go.

I thought, "Only 2 and a half days of child care," I thought, "He will be able to enjoy everyone since the convening will happen for sure and he can soak in everyone at the same time," I thought, "Maximize the amount of time," and I thought, "We have those travel points, right? Just do it."

I thought differently than I do right now.

It's like when I was younger. I thought soo (that's right, an extra 'o') differently than I do right now.

The older I get, the more emotionally vulnerable I become. I did not think that was part of growing up.

I was able to handle six weeks of husband-lessness at 24. Why is it that 6 years later, 4 days without his prickly beard and I am tapped out?

It is not the fact that I have 2 kids. They have been wonderful.

It's me.

I need my husband.

I have this compulsion to want to build our unit more and to stay so insular. At 3:45a when I woke this Thanksgiving morning and made my way to the commode for that nightly ritual, I thought, "I would have Thanksgiving with just the 4 of us and no one else."

What kind of daughter would say that? I love my mom. I love my sisters and brothers. We all live within and hour of each other. Who am I?

I have become a wife and a mother. My husband and my kids are what everything is for. I have never needed them like this, but they are who I want to serve. They are who matter most.

And my husband is at the top of my list. Thank goodness he left some of his PJs behind.

House of Love

Tonight my house is seething with it.

I just put my oldest son to bed, and he was asking questions about whether or not we were staying here, in this house. His room is a bit smaller than our last apartment, and it doesn't have his brother in it and it doesn't have new paint. I think he likes his old house better and maybe even the "different" house too.

When he was asking about whether we were staying here or not, it was a bit difficult explaining that we were going to rent out the other portion of the house to other people and I tried to explain it simply. He decided to tell me where everyone was going to stay, and, sorry Calvin's friends' moms, but you guys are staying in your cars. And Aimee, your friends are staying in the backyard next to my friends.

After saying prayers and thanking Heavenly Father for such a wonderful day today with my son, I walked passed the door that leads to the first floor where "other" people will be living in a few weeks and I heard working. Lots of unrecognizable bangs and bops. It was the sweetest sound two men have ever made. I love hearing people working, but I especially love hearing my husband work with his father.

It is like a long tradition passed down that men do. They work with each other. And to have two men so close in their genetic make-up working in such close proximity. It is just like a hot cup of hot chocolate (so what if I have used that simile before). Like a sweet sweet cup of hot chocolate after being out in the snow all day.

I am so glad I get to hear it a few more weeks.

The House

The house is developing and changing. It is like a baby, it is like a different house everyday.

Halloween Shopping

I love that my sister finds a way to shop, even on Halloween. She was such a trooper carrying my son's candy bag, my camera, my son's sword, and even my sister's dog. That's love.

(post-picture - nothing was purchased, but things were tried on and brother's wallets were offered)

Storage

I loved the day when Pete and I were extracting our things from my mother's home and implanting them into the place we are in now for storage and living for a little while, I came across the following pictured items:



They have been waiting for the exhibition that was promised by my 5th grade art teacher, Ms. Rabinskis, for the past 15+ years and I decided it was time to set these pieces free. Like Calvin's crafts, they have been photoed, digitally documented and then trashed. Now I can produce more art, since there is room.

Ship It

Calvin played with the movers as they finished boxing/bubble wrapping our stuff. They played with his too. These sweaty, tired men who carried 22 boxes down a flight of stairs and then back up a flight of stairs, tickled Calvin with their markers and put tape on his arm and even gave him some bubble wrap to play with. I am not sure I can expect that kind of treatment from some American movers on the other end. They really really love children.

All we have left is what will be in our suitcases. Almost there.

Final Sunday

Pete with Clavin, Ara with Sejama, Nadia with Harrison, and Me

Our last Sunday in Taksim. Calvin has really enjoyed his Sunday routines. He loves going to church because it always meant some interactions with new people and new experiences each week for us. Living on campus can be very isolated at times and the contact we have with people outside of those on campus is quite limited, so going to church has been, in a lot of ways, like stretching our arms in the morning. It gets the juices flowing and reminds us we are alive and part of the bigger world.

Nadia with her "Canım"

The church here is only a branch, but it is quite strong. The people who come in and out of the ward are quite transient since many come with contracts to work and don't always stay past a few years or so. There have been some great families and individuals that we have interacted with while we were here and I don't want to forget them: The Burgess Family - Chris, Lesa, KelliJo, Zoey and Ava(who was born in Turkey after they left and returned) ; McCollums - Johnathan, Christine, Atticus, Sherman, and Cincinattus; The Reed's - Jill, Dave, and Sarah; Eliason's - Aimee, her husband and her 2 beautiful daughters; Palmer's - Jason, Elvira, Sejama, and Zelanda (and one on the way); Dillard's - Joanna, Justin, Kaylee, Justin, and Allison; Margaret; Ara and Nadia; Mine; Amy; Ceker's - Susan, Murat, Leah, Sarah, Ece and the two older boys -- I think that is it. I am not sure I used commas properly, but you know what I mean. There was also David from the Canary Islands last year and Olam from Iran. There is also Cookie from Eritrea and the new girl Sarah as well. Alsp Asli and then the Mexican man whose wife is Turksih and whose son is adorable, but I can't remember their names Brother Yilmaz will always be remembered fondly -- he gave Calvin this awesome hat with a fan in it that we just gave away.

There are other people (not many) whose names I don't know or faces passed so briefly that I can't recall them. When we arrived the Millet's were the Elder Missionaries here and then the Loosli's came and recently went and now the Pasquete's (sp?) are here. It is interesting seeing the Elder missionary couples have such great experiences and how they change from when they arrive to the point when they are ready to leave. I am sure someone is watching us and thinking the same thing.

Justin seeing if Harrison can eat a biscuit.

Our Sundays will be so different from now on - but so much the same. I am so thankful to have that consistency in our lives.

the church building

the front door of church

Poor Boy

Look at the loneliness in this photograph. Usually the tears are a bit of melodrama - like the boy who cried wolf - this time T. Cal had a cut on his hand that probably could have used a band aid.

I must be a "Bad Mother" by Ayelet Waldman.

Towel Hour

My favorite hour, when the children are clean and supple. I love them from the sudsy tub, to being rinsed and extracted. And then wiping the droplets of water off of their skin with a soft, filled with fabric softener, towel and then smooching where I just wiped.

Ooo- I love it.

This is when I think most intensely about eating my children. Like ripe strawberries just pulled out from under the stream of water from the kitchen sink. After rolling around in the colander, getting perfectly washed for consumption. Yum.

This "hour," donned by my half rhyming, Dickensonian sisters as towel hour, is the most precious hour of the day. We come downstairs and I douse them with hugs and sometimes tickles. Calvin streaks across the living room to jump on Pete's back or to make Harrison laugh. Smiles are tossed across the room, along with bouncy balls sometimes. We finish up with some sweet smelling lotion and then soft, cotton clothing to snuggle them into sweet dreaming.

I love this time.

Ma-drid

San Miguel Market

Aimee and I had a little Madrilena soiree last weekend and it was so necessary. Getting away from the kiddies and hubby and lojmanlar life in general is such a necessary thing around here. There is so much time spent together and with no one else but ourselves, we have to fly somewhere to socialize with the outside world. I know, sounds terrible.

The people were awesome, knowing Spanish was also awesome. It was sort of surreal being in the country that we always talked about in Spanish class. I had this realization that Spanish is a language that is not just spoken sometimes in the US - it actually has a country all its own.

Did I forget to mention food? We had these churros on the left dipped in a "hot chocolate" substance that I dream about. We had tappas that were insanely good and we had us some chorizo. The best chorizo was the stuff I brought home. Thank goodness a friend asked for some, so I brought some home for myself and it was so tasty.

Because we went during the San Isidro Festival there were stages set up everywhere we went and performances that were going on in the evenings. We just missed whatever show was going in the Plaza Mayor, but we did not miss the ped traffic on the way out. I told Aimee, this is when I feel safe in a city - when there are floods of people all over. It reminds me of NY after all the Broadway Shows let out.

Sol Metro Station

It was late and we were hungry on this very same night and we wanted paella. After sitting down to try to eat some and being denied since the "kitchen was closed" (it was only 10pm), we scooted into this little tapas bar on the Plaza and chowed down without asking price. Three tapas and 60 bucks later, ou bellies were full.

Expensive Tapas on Plaza Mayor

We visited the Botanical Gardens before heading in to the Prado museum (what a massive art museum). The flowers were few and far between in some areas, but where they stood, they were beauteous. It was nice strolling in some nature after being in the city for 48 hours. Us Jerseyans need us some green.


After the museums and an overnight in Segovia with some hiking, we hit the flamenco club to watch a little bit of the saucy moves. It was great. Relaxing, entertaining, more yummy chorizo-ish sausage. Yumminess.

Where to next sisters?

Tech Buzz

When it comes to nursing, as babies grow - their attention span shrinks. It is hard keeping H-man on the boob for more than a few minutes. Good thing solids have come on the scene.

But I have devised a technological advancement that will rock the world -- mini, personalized, baby DVD players that fit right under the mother's arm! He totally would stay focused and get the hydration job done if he was watching a little Elmo or "baby TV" during the suckling. It would most definitely do away with the Calvin-induced head turning.

Istanbul Visit

With my husband, came my camera. So here are just a few shots of my parents on their last night here. It was nice.

Evil Mother

Grandma brought an adorable set of outfits for the boys to wear on Easter, and even though it was a little chilly out, I couldn't resist. Look at how much cuter they are dressed the same! I love that they will hate me for this.

Happy Easter

Obama Piggybacks Vacation Plans!

Unbelievable. It seems that Obama decided to do what the Clarks have planned.

Pete is going to Prague this weekend,
and so is Obama.

My parents are coming to Istanbul and we will be sightseeing next week,
and so is Obama.

Is he for real?

Who does he think he is trying to get in on our family time?

I hope I can find out where he will be so we know where not to go. Poser.

(Happy Travels everyone! ...even Obams)

Culture Club

Kres had culture week this week and they asked parents to come and share their culture. As if these kids don't get enough American culture, I decided I would go to Kres and share some more. I googled some stuff (of course) and came up with the story of the Jersey Devil (for 4 yr olds) and NY's finest - the Black and White Cookie. I would have never made my own B and W's at home had it not been for this activity -- thank goodness, cause I will never be without B and W's again.

Moths to a Flame

The other day Pete and I had a meeting with a shipping company to talk about moving our stuff home. We got there early for the meeting so we chilled out in a Turkish colleague from HR's office for a bit.

While we were innocently sitting there with child strapped to my chest in the Bjorn (shout out to Dave and Catherine for gifting it to us), our colleague decided to just go tell one other person. She explained (and I already knew) that this is how Turks do it, she being a Turk herself. She went and told another colleague from HR about the presence of a young soul, and then that colleague also came into the room and the two women unleashed the high pitched tones only related to babies and Mariah Carey songs. All it took was Indiana Jones letting out a gleeful squeal before more than half a dozen women and one man poked their head in to get a look.

Sleeper Hold

My son must be learning WWF moves at Kres.

After he came home today, I gave him his daily dose of tickles and then asked him if he wanted to make some Jello for dessert (his favorite treat). I told him to jump on my back and I would bring him into the kitchen so we could make it.

He jumped, I walked, and then the next minute was a blur and I ended up on the floor next to our kitchen doorway. I kind of remember making it up the two steps from our living area to the kitchen, and I kind of remember trying to reach into the kitchen to turn the light on, but then I remember my hand sliding desperately down the wall and ending up on the floor.

Calv let go of my neck when I was on the floor and I regained my sight and some of my brain functions. It was crazy. My son used the sleeper hold on me. My mind just kept telling me, "I can make it into the kitchen." But it was wrong.

got the sickness

Italy is beautiful, we are not. I will tell you all about it when we get home on Thursday.

Day One: Kreş

I made it to sleep in time to wake up to walk T. Cal to Kres this morning.

He dressed himself (as always). He did one sock, I did one. He tried one shoe, I put both on after he told me, "Too strong" (meaning too hard).

We played a round of Meyve Bahçesi (Hi Ho Cherry Oh) and read two pages of Road Dahl's "The Enormous Crocodile." Then Cal put on his coat (flipped over the head) and his backpack. We went outside and her banged on the back balcony with a few rocks while I strapped Hobbes in and off we went.

He transitioned well. Put on his "inside shoes" (slippers) and ate some honey on bread for breakfast. (Carrots and cheese were also on the plate, but Calv just hoarded them).




Upon returning to the house, I nursed Hobbes and laid him down and then realized that was it. I had some time to myself again. My staring contest with the laundry has ended. The dishes realized I wasn't standing them up. The floor was excited it could be seen by the public again. And I will no longer smell. I miss my boy.